Happiness Amongst Stress

Well folks it is stress time!! As an English major our final essays are all due the last week of April sometimes first week of may but regardless every class has a lot due and all at the same time. This is of course around the same time as YSA conference which I am also stressed about. having 3 demanding callings at one time is so not helping. Are we sure I was prayed about before I was given these callings? I know it was prayed about, but I dont get how I am supposed to do all this and why its a good thing. Then work is stressful and you know what Deseret Book dont pay too much or I am not able to work enough. Either way I am not a fan. I love my job but its just stressing me. I am trying to perfect the pictures and it is something that cannot be perfected. Why do i try to perfect my work? I know it involves working with other people's ideas so we will never all be on the same wave length. but still i try. Then next week is inventory and i work 12 hours on friday. sigh. I hope I live without developing heart problems or stomach ulcers. But besides all that I am happy and excited about summer and graduating early. I am a tad stressed about choosing the right summer classes but I think it will work out. I am going to PVCC for summer school to graduate early by the way! My counselor told me it would be cheaper and since I never went to a community college it was okay that i took my 13 credits of elective there. yay. And pvcc should not be too hard since I have been taking mostly 400 level classes. sigh how do i do it all? All seem important and what I should be doing. lets not even go down that path of keeping a social life. But I am happy and life is good just stressful. I never thought you could both be happy and stressed but it does exist. Just because i want to cry from stress does not mean I am not happy about where I am in life. I am really good and really happy, I just am freaking out about getting everything done. love you all!!!

My commitment

Okay so as we all know I have been totally fishing around for some direction in my life. I kept getting the answer to wait it out and it will come. Let me restate i hate that answer but is the one we always get or at least me. Okay well I got a real answer yesterday. i have had lots of answers i think the Lord would be okay with but graduating in December makes me feel so at peace, a peace i have not had in a long time. I just feel that there is a reason that I need to graduate in December. However this requires summer school. Well here is where I am meeting resistance. half of the people I have told tell me it is too much i will hate life and it will be tough getting a job afterwards anyway so why. Well this is anti-helpful. I need support! I know whats right but it is so easy to except it will be too tough and that I should wait. I still need to meet with my counselor and I am starting to think it might not be possible. I need prayers and support. I can do it right?? I got 3 people in support I need more cause it will be tough but I really feel it will be worth it. Bring it on life! I finally feel happy because I know what I need to do in life, even if just for the rest of the year. Ahh! happiness!

California!

I loved my trip to Cali with Celena! We drove up Friday morning and came back Wednesday morning at 3 am! lol We wanted to stay was long as possible!
On our drive up we passed Redlands where a thought popped into my head "Hey dont they have a temple in Redlands?" Why yes they do! SO with my handy dandy GPS and cha cha we found it! I loved it! The best part besides having the coolest spots and stairs, was that it is built on a small spot of land with adjoining a stake center. This gave me great hope that our temple can be built and will be just as amazingly beautiful!

Then Saturday We went to Santa Barbara and went to the Natural History Museum of Santa Barbara. I would post pics but I got to go soon, so i might post them later. Or go see my facebook. But I cannot believe it cost 8 dollars to get in. We had fun and we got to pet starfish, a sea cucumber, and a sea urchin. There were also sharks still in their eggs. It was cool i have to admit. Then I bought my nieces dolphin bracelets which do not even say anything about the museum on them.

We got hit by daylight savings time! Never had I been through one and you know what cell phones do not switch over by themselves so Celena and i go the full experience as we got ready and drove to church in 20 minutes. We planned on looking so much hotter but hey we looked pretty fine for 20 minutes. Church was well interesting and that is about all I can say about it. We went to my Aunt and Uncles ward to see my Uncle in action as bishop and then went to the singles ward. Lets say we did a whole heck of a lot of laughing!

Then monday we went to the museum of tolerance, then Tuesday sat out and read some books outside and i got a horrible looking sun burn. The burn was not too horrible but it is slanted and looks awful and funny. sigh. We got to celebrate my cousin's 10th birthday and we enjoyed it soooooo much! We played lot of Wii resort and we both really want that game now. I just got to get a wii first. dang. Celena already has one, but it is my favorite thing to do, uh well when wasting time! Well go to go to school! Spring Break is over!!!

Reason!!!

So I think I have got a few things settled in my mind. First of all let me be clear I know I am 21 and have an awful lot of life ahead of me. I mean half of my like ago I was still in elementary school. I realize that I really have nothing to worry about in the realm of marriage and jobs, its just been frustrating and I feel safe venting here. Thanks for that.

But this week I have kinda just let go of it all. Minus the school/career thing, that kinda wont go away. But Last Sunday i had an ah ha moment. I am here right now where I am and in the Singles ward because other people need me there.

I showed up early to church last week, for no reason, I just got ready early. I sat on the couch and a girl I am friends with proceeded to tell me her trials and her difficulty coming to church. I think she really needed to hear what I had to say and she needed my love for her and my support. It felt good to know the Lord put me in a path so i can be there to help his sheep. I did not even realize it was the spirit helping me make the choices I did that morning. Which also makes me so glad I study the gospel Sunday Mornings and that I read my scriptures daily and pray daily, so i CAN help those who need help.

Then this week I have really just felt I needed to give another friend of my a little extra care. Little did I know she has been struggling with a huge trial in her life, and I was able to go over to her house today, spend time with her and really connect with her and show her how much i care. i love it. This is what I love to do. Listen and Talk. I give great advice, I can just never find it for myself. lol.

But I cant help but feel I need to be here now to help them and whomever else the Lords needs me to be there for. Its always great when you find meaning and it makes it easier to let go of the other frustrations, because you know you are needed right now right where you are.

Thanks!!!

What to do, oh what to do?

Well its not secret I have been in quite the slump lately. Why? Well I think i figured it out today. I have no clue what to do with my life. My only goals were to get a bachelors degree, get married, start a family. Well this is not a helpful plan anymore. I have choices to make, but dont know what to do, because I dont know what I want.

It all started when I really started praying and asking for help after my family moved away last summer. I gained an incredibly strong testimony of how important family is. I know that the most important work i will ever do is for my family and the others I serve. I know that a husband and children will bring me true happiness. I knew this before, i really did, but I dont think i have ever wanted it so bad, and known so much that that is the path i want. I knew i wanted to be a mom, but um having birth and dirty children, did not sound like a ton of fun, but i figured i would come around to it. Now i want that all so much. Maybe being away from family helped this, i only get to see 2 of my nieces every couple weeks, which is different from my everyday opportunities I had until last summer. I know i want a family and honestly i have never wanted anything more in my life. But this is a tad out of my control. i feel like there is nothing I can do to achieve this, and as a go getter type person I have been really struggling with why Heavenly Father chose now to help me see these importances and to change my wants in life. Cause I got no ability to make this JUST happen. lol.

Which comes to why i am so frustrated elsewhere. I know i want that family so bad, but what do i do when i dont get them yet? If I take summer school i can graduate in December, but if i did not i would be graduating 5 months after that. I hate being so idle during the summer. i hate working and sleeping, and thats all i do. I start out with good intentions, but thats always what ends up happening. But what really got me thinking about this was the tons of opportunities to earn school credit for traveling programs this summer. but these seem unrealistic to believe I can go on. Money and my lack of traveling experience do not make me think this is too plausible.

Either way I graduate soon and have no clue what to do after that. I loved writing and love photography. I never loved a job more than when i took Amy and Bob's engagement pictures, and I thought they turned out well! But how do you get started in that and can i really make a career of that? So what else besides this? I would love to help children of cancer patients but that I figure is more of volunteer than job stuff. I want my job to mean something and i want to like it. I am lost here. i dont know what else I want to do. i even looked into law school! i am interested in learning about law, but honestly I am so sick of school. I really want to be able to go to a job, leave it, and then do what I want with my night and weekend. i really really want that, and really really want a change in life.

That feels good, got it all out and I dont think i complained. I am trying to no longer complain in my posts. I really just dont know what to do guys. What else do I want to do to my life and what would i be good at?

Saucy Dress

Well on my lovely shopping trip the other day I found a dress that I deemed the cutest dress to ever be placed on my body, so regardless of the price tag i had to buy it. Well I was told I looked pretty good today. A guy who is my friend actually told me he really liked it and we discussed how it was a good dress, a tad creepy but we were being honest. Anyway my awesome sister in law told me that i would be proposed to by the third time or in three more times that i wear this dress, but it cannot be consecutively. At which point she would marry me. I love you but um i get what you are trying to say and lets move on. :) In which this discussion with the boy I talked to earlier asked me if I flirted it up tonight. Well not so much, but i dont know who to flirt it up to. I feel kinda limited here with guys and I dont want to be a huge flirt type girl who hits on every guy. sigh . I dont know. I want to date but dont know how to get asked out by good guys. My dating quota had to end, for my amazing stake presidents wife told me it had to stop, and well her husband advised me the next day at his chiropractors office that she speaks the truth and it is a wise thing to listen to her. Well who am I to argue with what my stake president tells me to do? Plus I knew Sis. Weathersby is right. But honestly what do i do now? I got an awesome dress now how do I kick it up? or am i just supposed to keep hoping Mr. Right magically shows up in my ward soon and decides I am the one? I am positive about the whole dating thing, just totally confused on how to make it work, and maybe a tad frustrated. But its got to work! I feel like I ask these questions all the time, but dang I think i have been handed a difficult bunch of guys who dont really date nor date around, because I refuse to think I am that bad. I mean look at this dress!

(ps not the best pictures but I had to post proof of it.)

Love you guys!

Shame but grateful

Wow so I am so ashamed! Here is the thing it was not that bad but still I feel horrible. So was on my way to hang out when my friend volunteered to drive me, because i really did not want to drive. I turned an I guess illegal turn. I thought I was one lane away from the turn lane alas i was two! I got pulled over. He did not ask for ID or anything but just wanted to know if I was drunk. He told me I turned from the middle lane, it was not until later that i realized what I did. I acted totally shocked, cause honestly I was. He was nice and just told me he needed to check and I said thanks. I feel horrible i did that, I will think twice before I turn from a none turn lane again. But I am so grateful he pulled me over because that is exactly what he needed to do, and he is obviously really trying to keep our streets safe. I just feel really really bad about it. I guess I feel like that school girl who got called out in class. I have had a lot on my mind and i guess this is not good for driving.